I AM TECH SUPPORT!

Disclaimer: I have never been, nor do I claim to be, a computer expert of any kind. The following story is based on true events that happened to me yesterday. All information regarding the incident was found off of google, my friend Kauf (a programmer), my friend Luuk (a person who knows what memory sticks are) and my own brain. If this isn’t how these things work, I am not the least bit surprised. At some point I will claim to be a computer wizard, I’d like to mention now that I do not and have never practiced magic. I was, however, my own tech support. Let me bask in this moment, okay? I did something without others present. THIS IS LIKE A HUGE LIFE ACCOMPLISHMENT. (Also, kind of magical)

Friends, I wish to tell you a little story.

It all started when I was typing up some essays yesterday, you know, normal nursing school stuff…when something happened to me. My computer screen suddenly went blank.

Naturally I immediately assumed it had something to do with the cable that runs from my magical computer box (tower) to my monitor. But I was interrupted mid-thought by a high pitched, upset, demonic noise suddenly erupting from my desktop tower.

My response, as it is when anything goes wrong with digital devices, was to turn off the computer. So I did. I waited a few seconds…and a few more, then I turned it back on. To my dismay, my tower was still singing its raging digital acapella. WTF IS HAPPENING??? OGOD.

Initially I of course, because I am a catastrophic thinker, went to the worst possible scenario; I killed it. I must have somehow offended my tower to the point of hardware suicide. It was failing to thrive. My computer was dying and this was its final Cheyne-Stokes breathes. I turned it off and went into full TECH PANIC MODE.

I texted a few people, but when no one responded,  I called my friend Kauf. I don’t recall most of the phone call in much detail, it was a blur of anxiety, but I do remember Kauf telling me that my computer’s beeps were a code. A code? Well, shit. What kind of code are we talking here? It wants to communicate with me, I’m okay with that, I’ll go into the grid! WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO TALK WITH IT???

Unfortunately, my call was badly timed, as Kauf was in the middle of a Final Fantasy XIV Online raid.  I apologized for the frantic phone call, said goodbye, and just sat on the floor staring at my computer tower.

A code? My sweet, innocent tower, what is it that you want to tell me? Is this in binary? Is binary even a language? Are there other languages? Oh sweet Jesus, I hope this isn’t the audio version of C++…for a moment the scene from Zoolander came to mind… I don’t understand.  LET ME HELP YOU.

With no options left, and millions of unanswered questions, I knew there was only one thing left to try. Google it.

I ran for my laptop and ferociously finger stabbed my keyboard until the google screen appeared. When you type into google “dying computer noises” you actually get free sound clips of what, I presume, a computer sounds like when its dying. Which is random and cool at the same time, but of no use to me. So I tried “computer noises + code” (Kauf mentioned it, so I should have probably used that in the search…) and BAM, answers!

The beepies are  “beep codes” that are used by something called BIOS (basic input output system). The BIOS is the lord of the boots! Boots being the booting up process of a computer. BIOS is the tower guardian.

Mr. BIOS was letting me know that shit was going down in my tower. OH GOD HOW DO I COMMUNICATE WITH YOU MR. BIOS??? Easy, back to google. I searched “HP BIOS codes” – and lo and behold, I had found it. THE ROSETTA STONE FOR HP DESKTOP TOWER BIOS BEEPS. OH WHAT A GLOOOOOORIOUS DAY!

I listened again to my tower’s beep message, it wasn’t random complaints,  oh no, no sir. My computer was speaking to me. He was saying “ONE SHORT BEEP AND A LONG BEEP. ONE SHORT BEEP AND A LONG BEEP. HEY, ARE YOU GETTING THIS? I MEAN I CAN KEEP GOING, BUT I FEEL LIKE I’M JUST REPEATING MYSELF AT THIS POINT. ONE SHORT BEEP AND A LONG BEEP.”

I’ll spare you the suspense, it was a memory problem. I tore open my tower and searched for the culprits. Two, very suspicious, RAM sticks were just sitting there…acting like nothing had fucking happened. YOU DON’T FOOL ME, DEVIANTS!

I took one of the sticks of RAM out, tried to turn my computer on again, but he was still cranky and repeating the memory BIOS code. So I put that one back and took out the other one. The most magical thing happened when I pressed the power…MY COMPUTER BOOTED. It brought a tear to my eye. But I couldn’t celebrate just yet…my computer is hella old, I can’t just survive off of one memory stick for long. Looking at the motherboard, where the stick holders (not the technical term) were located I took note that two of them were black and two of them were blue. The memory sticks had been in the blue slots, so, I moved both sticks into the black slots and tried turning on the computer.

SUCCESS. I had never been so happy to see my monitor screen’s ten minute long Windows Starting logo.

Then it dawned on me. This is the first time, ever, in the history of my life, that I fixed a hardware computer problem BY MYSELF. AND IT FELT GLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORIOUS! 

To reward myself, I went on a magical internet browsing journey where I accomplished nothing, and it felt great. The moral of this story is, wait no, there’s no moral to this story. This is just what happened to me yesterday.

But, there was a take away message from all this, and that is – I AM A COMPUTER WIZARD, I DON’T NEED TECH SUPPORT, I AM TECH SUPPORT *drops a mic* DEUCES.

 

 

 

 

 

 

            

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One Lovely Blog Award!

So, I can’t even believe I’m saying this…but…I was nominated for an award.

I’m not making this shit up. Blame Michael Chaney. He did it.

So those of you who don’t know Michael, he’s got seven facts of his own over at his blog. He’s pretty cool too, he writes things that you should read. Thought provoking things. Next level shit. So, I would re-nominate him, but I don’t think that’s how this thing works.

Oh, but it gets better, there are some pass along rules associated with this pink, glorious jpeg!

“The One Lovely Blog Award requires that I give seven facts about myself and nominate another five recipients.”

So, here’s seven things about Super Saiyan M…

1. Guild Wars. I played it the most consistently and vigorously than any other game in my life. It’s also the first MMORPG I was introduced to.  I’ve actually made several friends through the game, I’ve met two of them in person.

2. I lived overseas for 11 years. I have been to 27 countries, but only 3 states. I wish to continue to travel; I have more places in mind! My dream is to end up in a cool big city for a while, with like coffee shops everywhere (not Starbucks, I’m talking hipster shit).

3. My biggest pet peeve is people being on their smart phones. I’d be more specific but really I think you know what I mean… When the person you are having a conversation with hasn’t looked up from their phone screen. The guy who bumps into you because he was on his phone. The person who interrupts you mid-sentence to show you a vine video…or a facebook status…or a tweet. Come on people, why do you do that??? Seriously.

4. The most liberating thing I have ever experienced, was losing my phone. I was no longer in charge of anything, I had an excuse for everything. And everyone  had zero expectations for me showing up or responding to anything. It was glorious. However, after this happened a second, third and fourth time, I have to say this feeling was quickly replaced with more darker emotions.

5. I have been reading comic books since I was a wee child (any Psylocke fans?), I collected trading cards, and I watched anything with superheros on television. I’ve been pretty obsessed with super hero and comic culture for the majority of my life.

6. Scent is like my favorite sense. I get it, hearing is cool and seeing is like super important. But smelling is where its at. The smell of food gets me every time. I have purchased more perfumes than I’d like to admit. Every gift I give to one of my girl friends is usually scented. I can identify every bath gel, shampoo or conditioner that I own by its scent. Since being in nursing school I’ve spent a shit ton of money on scented antibacterial soaps and hand sanitizers. I crave certain smells, which is why I have a lot of candles as well. I also am keen on what my friends smell like. This may sound creepy, but its how I operate.  Equally strange, I suppose, is that I can block or minimize other scents. It’s a weird super power to have. The worst is when I have allergies (which happens far too often) and I can’t smell anything at all.

7.  I’m a bear. Evidence:

Ferocious clawing action going on! Hide yer kids, hide yer food!

Now, the nominations, cause I got to select la crème de la crème of wordpress writers…that I am subscribed to.

1. Miami Transit Rider: If you know Miami, then you know bad driving. If you know Miami driving , then you know frustration. But, if you take the public transportation in Miami, then you are Daniela. And I suggest reading along for a ride that you will surely be able to relate to. Her rants are awesome.

2. The Global Citizens Blog: I’m not sure if this kind of blog counts, but I’mma nominate it anyway. It’s a really interesting blog to follow, each post is by a different student who is partaking in the Victoria Overseas Exchange (Vic OE) exchange student program. I love reading about what each person is doing, their new experiences and what they’re learning along the way.

3. Keep Culture Weird; I like Dave’s posts. I’d say more, but really you should read it, cause its hard to sum up all of them. Several, several guest posts made on the blog are by his students, all good fun reading.

4. zi0otography: I’m obsessed with the photography that’s posted on this blog. It’s beautifully captured and captivating. :D Also there are pictures of the Netherlands right now, because I guess the photographer is passing through.

5. Museums Reviewed: This is the shit. It’s literally posts about museums – which are basically my favorite thing. A Polish guy in the Netherlands guides you through the good ones, the bad ones, all of them really. It’s the fucking best. I’m not sure why you’re still reading this…you should have clicked the link and investigated by now.

6. SaSa Stories: Sarah is studying marine biology in Groningen, cause she’s a bad ass. I love reading about her adventures, she is so adorable it hurts. Her blog still seems relatively new. But I’m not judging…I’ve only had this blog for a month lol.

7. Blogging Robin:  I have to support my fellow nursing students! Cassandra is a Canadian nursing student who I can closely relate to. She also feels that shopping is a disease… Once again, this is more of a new comer to the wordpress world.

My work here is done.