I'm just Super Saiyan

No one tells me anything, just saiyan…


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GROUP PROJECT THEORY

Some of you may be familiar with the theory of gravity, or the theory of relativity, well…I’m going to educate you on my Group Project Theory.

Gather round boys and girls, this is an important story. So many regrets, tears, and frustrating all-nighters can been attributed to my experience with group projects.

Since I’ve had years of schooling, kindergarten to the mess of debt I’m in now, you would think that I would have mastered being a member in a group project.

You would be wrong.

What I have mastered is the fine, ancient art of DOING ALL THE SHIT MYSELF (DATSM for short). It’s a special skill that I’ve acquired and cultivated. Like wine, it is perfected with age and is done while crying hysterically out of pure, drunk rage.  I’m just kidding, I’m not an angry drunk. The rage, however, the rage is very real.

As a child I was a little, introverted, bloke whenever I was thrown into group projects. I would just sit there until I was assigned something, hopefully not a speaking part. I was like a clip board – you just pinned whatever task you wanted me to do and I’d do it without saying a word back to you. I call this the “productive rock.”

Ideally, I think everyone wants to have productive rocks in their group. You give them something to do, they’d do it, and then you’d put all the rock notes together and turn it in. Done. Fast, simple, logical.

Turns out, and I learned this the hard way, that in order for a team of productive rocks to really shine, they need a PRODUCTIVE team leader.

You can’t just throw in any old asshole into the role of team leader. Oh, no. No, no, no. That’s a terrible idea. Do you know what people do with power? They take that power and they run. I don’t mean metaphorically. I mean they literally boss people into doing the project and physically disappear until the day its due; and then expect the damn thing to be perfect.

See, a team of PRs can’t always run shit by themselves. They don’t speak to each other. So maybe one of them assumes that the other would do a certain part of the project, or one of them accidentally missed something during their research. You gotta have people check that shit. Or else PRs just roll around in a panic on the ground like weebles.

The team leader is the one who has to check the project.  A PRODUCTIVE TEAM LEADER.

Now, as the years went on, I grew to be a bit more outgoing in group projects. But to my dismay, I found that group project members had evolved. Instead of leaders being more leader-y and productive rocks being more productive-y, they all morphed into un-productive, excuse-making, responsibility dodging douche bags.

There were new breeds of team members that I couldn’t, in my wildest of dreams, even fathom existing.

There was the Employed Complainer: a member of your group who has a very hecktic work schedule and thus cannot come to your group meetings. They turn in their portions of the assignments late and you can’t get them to shut up about the hardships of their job.

CRY ME A RIVER AND DO YOUR PART DAMN IT!

The Technologically Inept: I can’t be the only one who met these guys. They claim they don’t know how anything relating to a computer works. They tell you stories about how they use Jurassic technology. So you give them a research portion for like gathering the book references for the project – turns out they don’t know how to use a library either.

WHATEVER, YOU PROBABLY HAVE A SMART PHONE.

The Invisible Member: the guy who you literally haven’t seen since the day this project has been assigned. I just realized the title sounds like a transparent penis.

I hate you.

The Bullshitting Plagiarizer  the team member who gives you their project part and you find out that it was copy pasted from wikipedia and is basically worthless for you to use.

WHY DID YOU EVEN GIVE ME ANYTHING AT ALL???

The Sassy Pants: they’ll do their part, but they’ll also send you fifty million messages about how they don’t like anyone else’s part and how you’re all going to fail if you turn it in this way.

SO MANY NEGATIVE WORDS – JUST SHUT UP OMG

The Data Eraser: this kid – be it valid or not – claims that their portion of the project was erased due to some hardware, software, whatever-ware problem. As sad as their situation is, this just means more work for everyone else.

BOO HOO, now we all have to do it.

The Printer/Power Pointer (Tripple P): this is the guy who doesn’t want to do any work, so they volunteer to print out color pictures or paper via their printer. OR EVEN WORSE – THEY VOLUNTEER TO DO THE POWER POINT.

Everyone knows you’re being lazy, bro.

Okay folks, let me just share something with you. Power point is the easiest fucking program to use. 8 year olds use it to convince their parents to get puppies. I swear I’m not making that up. A basic calculator is more complicated than power point.

Look, this is how you use power point.

  • Step 1: Open power point
  • Step 2: Type words into the ALREADY PRE-FORMATEED FOR CHRIST’S SAKE templates
  • Step 3: Copy-paste images so people don’t fall asleep
  • Step 4: You’re done. There is no step 4.

You don’t need to add weird fly-in slides or fancy noises!  I’m serious.  ANYONE CAN DO THIS. THEY COULDN’T MAKE THIS PROGRAM ANY EASIER IF THEY TRIED.

Okay, now I’m going to make a note that I’m gonna come back to this power point business later on in this post…just make a mental note, right about here. Got it? Good. Let’s move on.

Finally, the last kind of member in modern group projects is The Group Finisher. Group finisher is NOT chosen by the group, oh no – don’t be fooled by that title. The group finisher is the person who gets stuck doing all the work. They have to go back and fact-check their group member’s parts, they have to rewrite the paper or power point because it doesn’t match the rubric. They’re the only one who knows how to properly cite sources.  They basically do the entire thing.  OH AND THEY WILL DO IT TOO! This person has masted DATSM, because they care about their grade. They know that as glorious as it would be to see each and every one of those lazy team members get a failing grade for their crap efforts, that failing grade would also be given to the Group Finisher as well.

WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN TO ME EVERY TIME?

Now, the reason I wanted you to make mental note about that power point thing is because of this. Although power point is a stupidly easy program to use, people end up giving you their portion of the project in a large, wordy, unbroken, multi-page file.

Guess what. That means you have to do their part for them, because not only do you have to read and summarize their “summary” but you also have to cite everything as well.

So sometimes the Triple P has an easy job, sometimes they do a lazy job and it gets done by The Group Finisher, but its almost always a guarantee that its not going to be done according to the rubric.

Did I cover all the group project fiends? Or have you guys met others???


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There can only be one.

When I made this blog, I did it out of boredom and because I thought it would be fun. Surprise, surprise, all of that jazz is true. But do you know what happens when I don’t take things seriously at first? I name things after cartoons.

So here I am, enjoying the blogosphere, as a Super Saiyan.

Normally, I think this is the kind of name people dream of. To be super saiyans, I mean. But in my case, I don’t want my entire theme to be based on one of my cartoon loves. I have a lot of cartoon loves. And I have commitment issues. So sticking to something that only has context with one thing has started to really bother me. No matter how awesome the pun is.

That brings me to now, where I have made the decision to try and create a more generalized blog name. This is no easy task. I had to prepare myself for this, and brace myself against the harsh winds of treacherous creativity. Leap onto the great rock of change and assert my dominance. The destiny of this blog awaits my decision, I plan to take this feat full on.

I guess I’ve never drawn myself with glasses, but I do have them, they’re blue.

The problem with getting into the blogging game now, in 2013, is that people have already selected all the cool names. They had years and years to brainstorm and call dibs on high-quality verbiage. So, they had the advantage. I have to come up with something even MORE creative than those who came before me. Since I’m clearly not the best at naming things, I decided to ask my more creative friends for suggestions. But their suggestions were more on the inappropriate side. I think I talked the most about this to Naty Cakes, where we devised a list of possibilities; yet none immediately grabbed me as “the one”. Throughout our brainstorming session, there was one word that kept popping up…

This conversation actually took place. I love Naty Cakes <3

As cute as the word poop is, I will not be incorporating it into my blog name. So I guess that limits the pool of possibilities.

I went over a few options some more…and decided that I was undecided. There just didn’t seem to be one that jumped off the page at me. Naty Cakes told me sleep on it, marinate in it, meditate about it and that eventually the right name would come to me.

But I am impatient, and when I think of marinating in things I get hungry.

So after I ate, I had to face the truth…This name dilemma was not getting any closer to a resolution.

I kinda got discouraged that I would even be able to find a name that adequately described me and my blog of randomness. I pondered how the greats did it. How did George Orwell come up with 1984 or Animal Farm? How did Kurt Vonnegut conjure up Slaughterhouse Five? Hell, Steven King just came out with Doctor Sleep – which sounds DOCTOR AWESOME! How did Chuck Palahniuk come up with Fight Club or Lullaby or Choke or Invisible Monsters – damn it, Palahniuk came up with some bad ass titles. I need whatever creative juices he’s drinking…

No one beats George R. R. Martin – A Song of Ice and Fire, how epic is that? Oh, wait for it: Game of Thrones, A Clash of Kings, A Dance with Dragons, A Storm of Swords!!! (Thank you Kim)

Of course, those are all far more serious in tone than my blog.

Maybe my inspiration should be more lax.  Like Kyle Humphrey and Graydon Sheppard’s Sh*t Girls Say or Douglas Adam’s Hitchhiker’s  Guide to the Galaxy – I like that title. Even better, John Dies at the End – what a bad ass title, pure genius on the part of Jason Pargin.

Or maybe blogs shouldn’t be named like books. I mean some blogs are like books, they stick to one subject or genre. Others are all over the place. Exhibit A, my blog.

Marry, of Viver Para Contar, wrote a great post about what her blog name means and how personal it is.  Why can’t I have that? Why can’t my blog name be all cool and symbolic?

Therefore, as a last ditch effort to kick start my brainstorming, I am going to just list a bunch of words that I like.

  • Robots.
  • Alien robots.
  • Super Heroes.
  • Comedy
  • Dinosaurs
  • Food
  • Squats
  • MS Paint
  • Medicine
  • Museums
  • Art
  • Gymnastics
  • Guild
  • War(s)
  • Space
  • Galaxies
  • Bears
  • Sharks
  • Radiohead

So…that list looks like the the tumblr of a 16 year old hipster in 2008. FUCK. WHY AM I SO BAD AT THIS?

I hate everything.

Maybe I’ll have better luck with adjectives.

TELL ME, OH GREAT AND POWERFUL READERS, TELL ME HOW YOU COME UP WITH NAMES???


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WIZARD BATTLES and the longest post I’ve ever made!

I feel like all the titles to my posts are always in caps. I LIKE IT.

So, it was just brought to my attention that Hocus Pocus is now 20 years old. Holy shit, how old am I again?

Yes, its October. We’re nine days in and I was looking up awesome, nostalgic Halloween movies…only to be constantly reminded that I am no longer a kid.

You see, I used to be addicted to the Halloween holiday. Helping my mother put up decorations was like no other drug; I’d often times make decorations myself by hand. I couldn’t stop until the entire house – interior and exterior – were perfectly spooky. I would spend the entire year as a child planning my costume, drawing out ever detail, constantly revising my prototypes to ensure that I would be the most convincing ghoul, fairy or power ranger. There used to be costume parades at our school and our compound recreational center, this was where I’d truly shine, those other kids didn’t stand a chance against my outfit. I wanted all the awards. If there wasn’t a horror or Halloween themed movie playing on the television, I wasn’t interested.I would become completely distracted from every thing else in my life – school, video games, I don’t think this was a healthy obsession I had about Halloween. I’d even ration my candy so that it lasted the entire year…something was clearly wrong with me.

Halloween was so much fun man, now I’m too old for any of it. I’m too old for cool trick-or-treating. I’m too old to dress up as provocative X, Y, or Z girl. I’m too old for my parents to make me a costume and too old to justify buying one (why the fuck are those pieces of nylon so expensive?). I’m to old for costume parties…hey wait, no, hold on, that last one was still okay. Right? Do people still do those? I mean, if you can go out to bars dressed up in costumes, what’s stopping people from still having home costume parties?

So in my hypothetical world, where I have shit tons of fun and things are as I expect them to be, I’ve been invited to a Halloween costume party! YES. Score! So I sent in my RSVP, so totes gonna be there bro. Now what do I wear?

I thought long and hard about this. And then I got a snack, and thought some more. I came up with nothing. I decided to go through my big clutterfest of a room to see if I could possibly glue something together and make it pass as a costume.

I lost my blue barracudas Legend of the Hidden Temple shirt, so there goes that. I also refuse to go as female Captain America again this year. I could just rip some clothes up and roll as a zombie (Walking Dead does start up this week!) – but I donated like three bags of clothes to Goodwill…so the left over clothing is not going anywhere.

I found the following:

  1. Cat ears
  2. Pichu ears??
  3. Witch Hat
  4. Superman shirt
  5. Gold Medal of Mathematical Achievement

Damn it. So either I’m a cat, a pokemon, a witch, or a female superman after winning a national math-lette competition? Why am I even trying.

Pichu makes me look like I have a beard. I like it.

As I sat there, or here…I’m still sitting in the same chair, and scrolled down my blog something occurred to me. I saw my Breaking Netflix week 1 – The League post and the greatest idea of all time dawned on me (a little exaggeration). I WILL BE A FANTASY FOOTBALL WIZARD. Genius.

I mean, it is football season and I just finished watching the first season of the League. I’ve got a witch hat. I’m going to MacGyver this costume into the best Fantasy Football Wizard the world has ever seen!

So I type into google “wizard” and all the pictures show little dudes wearing big robes with lots of cosmic-themed patterns. I don’t have any of that. Not cool, internet. When you google “fantasy football wizard” it turns out that someone already came up with this idea. Yep, I am pretty unoriginal.  I have to admit, it was a good idea, so I shouldn’t have been so surprised that someone else beat me to the punch.

After clicking through some related websites listing the “top wizards of all time,” it dawned on me that choosing just ONE wizard to dress up as would be a challenge in itself. So I did what any normal person would do in this situation, I decided to pick the most popular wizards and have them battle it out in my head. Welcome to the complexities of my mind.

Wizards battling wizards. It’s a tale as old as time…I think.

THE WIZARD TO RAKE IN THE MOST POINTS IN MY IMAGINARY BATTLE ARENA WOULD BE THE WIZARD THAT I WOULD CHOSE TO DRESS UP AS! GLORIOUS!!!

LET THE BATTLES COMMENCE.

So here’s my top picks, time to size them up.

(1) Merlin – from every fucking story about wizards in the history of time.

Merlin is a bad ass, and he knows it. He’s been saving knights and slaying dragons before any of the fools on this list were even invented; +10 points for that. These days he’s got his own TV shows, novels and he’s even been in a Disney movie, so his fame gives him another +20 points. Looking good Merlin. He’s not even trying. (Total points: 30)

(2) Dumbledore – from Harry Pottah.

I don’t know much about this guy, mostly cause I haven’t read all of those Potter books and I only watched a hand full of the movies, resulting in only total confusion. +3 points for being famous-ish.  I think he’s a powerful bro, cause he runs  a school of magic, so we’ll give him +10 for leadership. But then I have to give the guy a -10 for being killed by Snape, on purpose – what? Another -10 points for putting all the responsibility on a teenager with post-traumatic stress disorder, no parents, and a mental link to the worst bad guy to ever roam your realm. What’s wrong with you? (Total points: -7)

(3) Skeletor – from The Adventures of He-man.

Face is a skeleton, bad ass, +10 points. He is a super villain, +10 points. Has minions, +5 points. Loses to He-man EVERY FUCKING TIME,  -30 points. You have magical powers, get your shit together Skeletor. (Total points: -5)

(4) Mumm-Ra – from Thundercats.

Mummy sorcerer who has lived a gagillion years, +10 points. Awesome fucking recantation: “Ancient Spirits of Evil, transform this decayed form to Mumm-Ra, the Ever-Living!” +10 points. Shape-shifter +5 points. Ultimate weakness – own reflection in a mirror. WHAT? Are you serious? That’s what puts you back in your little mummy coffin? What kind of childhood issues did you have that you can’t look yourself in the face? Medusa called, she wants her Achilles’ heel back. Damn it man, -25 points. (Total points: 0)

(5) GANDALF – THE BAD ASS GREY WIZARD FROM LORD OF THE RINGS [I love this guy].

This motherfucker. Oh man, I love this guy. First of all, +20 for being in the Lord of the Rings. Second of all, +10 for middle-earth networking. He knows everyone man, and he’s totally cool with everybody. +5 for saving hobbits, every damn time. +10 for that epic “You shall not pass.” line, I quote that to no end, love it. “I’m looking for someone to share in an adventure.” PICK ME, OMG, PICK ME!!! (Total points: 35)

(6) The Wizard of Oz – from The Wizard of Oz.

I know there was a second movie, but I didn’t see it. Anything from the play Wicked also doesn’t really count towards your favor. But, +10 for being in both of those. -15 for being a total let down at the end of the first movie. +5 for cool smoke effects, I can vouch for that. Kind of wish you did more though…not really sure why I picked you for my list…if you were a Pokemon trading card, you’d be a Magikarp(Total points: 0)

(7) Rita Repulsa– from The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.

The ultimate sorceress, Rita Repulsa herself. She’s got a great dubbed voice, super bad-guy vibe, so +5 points. She is a super villain, +10 points. Creates baddies out of clay that are the size of Godzilla, +20 points. Weird side kick goons who can’t do shit right so you always have to do things yourself, and announce that fact; “I always have to do EVERYTHING myself!”  Also +5 points for that crazy hair she had going on, very convincing. BUT, -5 points for taking orders from an even bigger baddie who looks creepier than you, -15 points for losing to the Power Rangers without a single success. Sorry Rita. (Total points: 5)

(8) Microsoft Wizard – from your old-school Microsoft OS.

This guy would pop up in your Microsoft Word documents to see if you needed an assistance, although you had the option of making him a dog or paper clip.  I miss you man, +10 points for nostalgia. +20 points for always having my back. -15 points for being super annoying and not having any faith in me. I can do shit right sometimes, man! Give me a chance before you have to get all up in my face. (Total points: 15)

(9) BIOS Wizard the one I made up because  I like analogies.

+10 points because I made you up. -15 points for not being an actual wizard. +2 points for being a part of my educational learning. (Total points: -3)

Looks like Gandalf has taken the lead with a jaw dropping 35 points. Merlin is not far behind, sporting 30 points. The Microsoft Wizard is a very far away third place with 15 points. And Rita Repulsa is hanging by a thread of 5 points. Everyone else should get their shit together. I’m slightly ashamed of my picks.

SUDDEN DEATH ROUNDS:

First up, Rita Repulsa VERSUS The Microsoft Wizard!

Oh snap, this is going to be a close one. Looks like Rita is starting it off with some clay pieces, Microsoft Wizard barrel rolls out of their way. Looks like he’s using some kind of red jagged line to rope the monster baddies! I guess that line is for more than just pointing out spelling mistakes! Rita uses her ceptor for defense, but it looks like the restraints are too much for her. BAM! Rita just hit the floor faster than a sack of bricks! Rita is down, I repeat, Rita is down! Microsoft Wizard WINS!

Merlin VERUSES Gandalf!

Merlin wastes no time, he takes out his magic missles and starts firing! Gandalf pulls off a Matrix move and dodges EVERYTHING! Amazing! It looks like Gandalf just flipped out a phone and is speed dialing Middle Earth, is this allowed? Refs are gonna let it slide. Giant birds and walking trees are coming out of the woodwork! Merlin better have a strong defense, looks like a group of Knights has appeared! Some hobbits and elves are blocking the knights from aiding Merlin. This isn’t looking good. A bird has just picked up Merlin, where is he taking him? OH NO, NOT MORDOR! Looks like Merlin just melted into dust below the eye of Sauron. Why couldn’t all these guys travel that fast in the books? Gandalf wins!

Gandalf VERSUS The Microsoft Wizard!

It all comes down to this. Wait, somethings happening, I think the Microsoft Wizard just threw down his staff. Looks like Gandalf threw down his as well, looks like they’re going to do this the old fashioned way – fist to cuffs! Gandalf strikes first, going for a high kick, but its easily dodged by Microsoft Wizard. Looks like Gandalf just head butted Microsoft right in the face! Is that legal? Who knows! This is all happening in my head! Gandalf has Microsoft in an arm bar!

Looks like Microsoft just wiggled his way out of there – oh no, and right into a knee bar!

Gandalf’s face is pure pain, it looks like he’s whispering something – could it be a spell? It is! He’s up and standing! What’s this? Oh my God, Gandalf is bicycle kicking Microsoft Wizard! And he’s down, Microsoft Wizard is down! FLAWLESS VICTORY! GANDALF WINS!

Looks like I know who I’m going to be dressed as for this year’s Halloween.


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HOW DO I UNPLUG

So today I’d like to discuss unplugging. Mostly because its really fucking hard for me to do lately.

Sturdy as a brick, and just as fast.

I mean, we all remember a time when there was no internet, right? But my dad has always worked with computers and thus there were several in the house. So even when I was a wee little lass I “plugged in”. We had some sweet, sweet computer games.

There was Freddi Fish; that game was GOLD.

There were the Zoombinis, hard as fuuuuuuuck.

There was a scary ass game about fairy tales that I can’t remember the name of…but it had this troll who gave me nightmares. Yes, I was afraid of trolls before the internet, the fear never ends…

There was also Math Blaster! AW YEAH, MATH IN SPACE – THIS IS AWESOME.

Speaking of space, I played the shit out of that space pin ball game that used to come standard with the old school Microsoft OS. I think I started playing that after I was introduced to the internet though. Regardless, I spent hours and hours of time on this thing that I can never get back.

Drawing this would have been impossible.

Oh and that game where you are skiing and that abominable snowman shows up and eats you…maybe this is why I’m not into snow.

[Edit]: Kauf reminded me of the name of this game! It was SKIFREE!!!

A few years later, I’d be playing those typing games at school too – you know like Mavis Beacon.

Even if I wasn’t playing games, I was experimenting with Microsoft Word. Me and my girl friend Heather were obsessed with walking and petting all the neighborhood dogs, so we deviced a plan to do so and get money out of it. DOG WALKING SERVICE. I’m not kidding, this happened. I wrote up a flyer in MS Word about our prices, pasted in some clip art and changed the font to Comic Sans (a font that I would come to hate if I saw it on any media outside of actual comic books).

Remember that little paper clip dude? He always had your back. He did get really annoying though…

These were all super fun and kept me at my dad’s computer pretty frequently.

So being “plugged in” is something that has been instilled in me long ago.

Fast forward to today – where I have a netbook and a desktop – I feel almost spoiled. Granted my netbook travels at the speed of light, if the speed of light were brutally beaten with a sledge hammer, ran over by a car and is currently in a coma, being kept alive using a ventilator. And my desktop was made in 2007…soooo 6 years ago. His memory is going in his old age, but he’s still trucking. I don’t have any of those fancy doo-hickies, like tablets or e-readers, or a computer that works… But I’m still “plugged in.”

It’s hard to unplug these days. Mostly because my classes are online, so I have to constantly be checking those and talking to my group project members. Equally difficult is the fact that my best friends are online, I mean I could just text them the whole day, but its faster to just chat them up on Steam or Skype. And lets say that I just want to sit back and relax and watch a movie – OH WAIT, NETFLIX IS ONLINE TOO.

Do you see where I’m going with this? Unplugging is hard to do.

The only time I’m truly unplugged is if I’m reading a book, which is usually when I’m studying at Barnes and Noble or doing it for fun before bed.

I remember I used to be unplugged way more often, but that was during my first bachelor’s degree, when all the people I loved were walking distance from me. And if they weren’t walking distance, they were just a short drive away. Hanging out then was much easier to do without “plugging in.”

But even then…I would go back to my dorm and hop on my computer, log into Guild Wars…

I think unplugging is nearly impossible now.


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The bloody Flu

So yesterday I got my flu shot! For free! Thanks to an on-campus health promotion event, sponsored by numerous university departments.

My hair frizzes as my immune system decides to get off its ass and start making antibodies! Yay!

In celebration, I played “Flu Shot” by Awkwafina when I got home:

I thought I’d take a few seconds now to see how many people have gotten the flu shot for this upcoming season. Don’t raise your hands all at once. I’m well aware that people are beyond thrilled to have needles puncture their skin, it’s like everyone’s favorite thing. It’s right up there with getting punched in the face and someone stepping on your shoe while you’re walking.

Which reminds me, I used to be deathly afraid of needles when I was younger. I’ll go ahead and include blood as well. I’m not sure where I developed this fear, because I never saw any major trauma happen in my life or to those around me. I mean, besides a really bad knee injury, I was never really around exposed bleeding. I can only assume that my fear – and let’s be real here, it was more of a phobia – for needles and blood came from movies, television or horror books. I went through a period of time when I would read nothing but horror books. It started innocently enough with the Goosebumps series, but then I got curious in the library about the other titles in the horror genre. I discovered Steven King, and that was a huge mistake with regards to my sleeping habits. Television was no better, seeing the news and the terrible atrocities occurring world wide would leave images of injured victims burned in my mind. But nothing beats movies. I never quite understood why my parents were so quick to shield us from the sexual scenes in movies we would watch together as a family, but there was no problem with me watching a man’s head get ripped off or explode. Gore was something that was common place in movies, so it was hard for me to watch without squealing and squirming at the sight of the fake corn syrup blood.

This duel dagger wielding douche bag injection needle is how I used to picture what happens when I got a shot – my innards would spurt out.

My phobia for blood and needles actually ended up dictating my career choices. Regardless of how much I wanted to be in healthcare, specifically to help people, I ended up choosing a major that stayed away from sharp objects and serous bodily fluids. It wasn’t until my senior year of my first bachelor’s degree that I would discover that needles and blood didn’t actually have the panic-attack effect on me like I thought they did. I signed up for an elective credit course called Introduction to Pre-professional studies, and through that course I was able to shadow several healthcare professionals. Several of whom were surgeons.

I remember very vividly the surgical technician asking me if I had ever seen a surgery before, to which I responded no. She took a few steps closer and looked me in the eye to let me know that if I were to feel nauseous or lightheaded that I should step out of the room. My God, I can faint witnessing this? What am I about to see??? So as much anxiety as I had for the moments leading up to the first cut of flesh, I was pleasantly surprised to find out that it did not make me want to pass out. I had never seen so much blood in my life. But I was still standing on two feet, eagerly listening to the surgeon as he explained everything he was doing. Could it be that I didn’t mind the blood at all?

I realize that reading this may make me sound like some sociopath killer, OMG BLOOD IS SO COOL – that’s not what I’m saying here. I’m saying that I lived my entire life fearing something that I never really understood, and when I encountered it in a learning environment, I was intrigued and not at all afraid.

I could crush it with my powerful giant foot – but I choose to be merciful and allow the needle to prod me in the tradition of its people. That’s what nice guys do. So olive branch the shit out of the next injection you get, it keeps the peace.

Needles are no different. Have you ever measured a needle? Seriously, like they’re not that big. Less than two inches. Honestly…how are we afraid of that? Getting an injection is no worse than getting a paper-cut. Actually, paper-cuts suck more because they leave you with that stinging feeling. You know the one, like, fresh acid. The needle is in and out in a matter of seconds. Sometimes your arm, or whatever body part you had injected, may begin to feel sore…but I mean, at that point its not really the needle’s fault is it.

I’m not sure where I was going with this post. So I’ll end it.


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De-junk-ification: Part 1

I was reading a few of the Clean House posts, and it reminded me of my own junk…

Those who know me know of my mess. I never consciously go out and try to make a mess, it just kind of piles up that way. Over time. Without me realizing. Also I get lazy.

Let me explain myself.

Over the years I have acquired an impressive mountain of stuff, often times I forget that I have this mountain…especially when I see cute things on sale or clearance. Then I get home and I see there was no space for anything before my purchase…so now I guess all that’s left to do is pile my new belongings on top of my old belongings. Perfect. If clothing piles were a competitive sport, I don’t even think it would be fair for me to compete…I’d just win by default. Now, I’ve seen what hoarder rooms look like. I’d like to take this moment to say that my room is not on that level. I assure you that there are no living creatures or new organisms residing in my room piles. I think it becomes too much though when I can’t find my things.

You see, I may be disorganized in my room, but I know where my stuff is…like…85% of the time. There is organization in my disorganization. I know that people who are neat freaks are just kind of judging me right now, and that’s cool. I get it. I understand your point of view, I’m a huge slobby mcslobberson. But I mean, I always end up being too busy to clean. Something always comes up – things are due, there are places to be, people to meet. I mean, I’m not going to defend all of my actions. I’ve said “no” to cleaning my room on more than one occasion to play a video game or watch Netflix instead. Eventually I just become very apathetic towards the poor thing. It’s not until I take a moment to really reflect on all my crap that I get this random burst of energy to clean it all. I have the best intentions, I WANT to finish the entire room. But after about an hour of digging through one corner of my room, I become super overwhelmed with all of my crap.

STACKS ON STACKS ON STACKS

On more than one occasion I have attempted to clean my room by the transfer-dumping method. The transfer dumping method is something I just made up to describe how I will clean one corner of my room by stuffing the things I removed into another corner of my room. A transfer, of junk. Then I wonder why or how a giant pile of clothing could fall on my head. Eventually it just turns into a huge game of room-jenga…and I’m the one who has to clean up – regardless of which junk piles falls first.

Recently, I’ve taken to laying on my bedroom floor. Prior to recent incidences in my life, I only did this to calm my anxiety. I’m not sure if other people lay on their floors to calm their anxiety…but I don’t fucking care, that’s what I do. YOU DON’T KNOW ME. YOU DON’T KNOW MY LIFE.

Anyway, so basically, the little space that there was for walking, I sort of filled with comforters and pillows.

I was sleeping on the floor

This system worked for a while, until my room suddenly required a more permanent sleeping arrangement…

I needed a bed. Problem was, there was no room for a bed. There was no room for anything, really. So things needed to change. I went onto youtube and binged on videos that showed ways to tidy up rooms / clean up clutters / redesign spaces. Basically, I went out looking for inspiration. I got some, but nothing could have really inspired me like my trip to IKEA.

IKEA is the answer to all of my junky problems. IKEA’s floor rooms look hella classy, save on space and look like grown up shit. I instantly thought to myself, “Hey man, I’m adult-ish, I should be able to do that too!” Being broke really limited the amount of organizational products I could bring home… But on my budget I was able to splurge on a sweet IKEA dresser (from the children’s section…), as well as some boxes to better contain my crap – and make it look neater.  So I came home with this insane amount of confidence that things were going to change.

And change it did. I rediscovered the art of throwing crap away (a long lost concept that I had forsaken in the name of keepsakes). You see, I’m huge on pictures, post cards, letters, etc. I love that stuff. It fuels my happy feels. So I have a tendency to keep EVERYTHING. Then my brother reminded me that although all of the things in my room were linked to certain memories, they weren’t really keepsakes. For example, my physics books. What am I doing with those? Nothing, they’re just chillin and taking up space. I don’t plan on taking physics again any time soon and honestly, I’d probably just look up information on the internet anyway. This effect of throwing junk away that I no longer needed, with minimal nostalgia potential, caught on like a wild fire. Eventually I filled up a couple of bags worth of stuff. JUST ENOUGH to move in mattress (shout out to my homegirl who let me have it). So now, my room is more like this:

My computer chair can’t move…

Granted, there’s even less space in my room now, and my walls look like I’m playing a serious game of Tetris, but I can sleep there. And that’s what’s important.

My new goal is to keep everything (my junk) at a manageable level so that I don’t over-flood the place with crap again. We shall see.

 

 

 

            


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I’ll give you a discount on some free stuff

It was through my college experience that I truly understood the value of free stuff. No one appreciated that free pizza on campus that your club was passing out as a promotion more than  I did, especially right after tuition was due. I came to have a new found appreciation for free things. I mean, I have always loved free stuff – but I never took advantage of it like I did in college. If I didn’t need to pay for it, then I didn’t pay for it. I wasn’t trying to be a douche bag, I just did not have the money.  You get creative when you’re broke.

  • Free t-shirts for my university’s homecoming? Nice! I needed a new work out shirt!
  • It’s my birthday? Sounds like I’m going to Denny’s for a free breakfast and grabbing some baskin robins later for free ice cream!
  • Free pancakes for International Pancake Day? Don’t mind if  I do.
  • Free Slurpee Day? Is someone reading my mind?
  • Why yes, I would like to try some of your bourbon chicken, thank you for the free sample outside of your Mall Food Court restaurant. But first, I have to make my rounds to the rest of the Food Court free sample train.
  • Lady’s drink free on Wednesday nights? Good thing I don’t have classes on Thursday!

Hey man, you got to do what you got to do. And I was doing everything I could to try and not spend anymore than I needed to on things.

So yes, I went to a lot of free art galleries, a lot of student art galleries, and free museums…

Which brings me to the article that inspired me to write a post. Kathrine Brooks’s article brought to light that The Metropolitan Museum of Art (The Met) had a discounted Groupon for tickets that were, essentially, free.

Ruh roh. You see, the Met does state that there is a “recommended admission price.” Recommended, as in, not mandatory.

So the the Met is essentially selling a discounted recommendation? Really? That’s a thing now? Normally admission to the Met is $25 for adults, $17 for seniors ages 65 and up, and $12 for students. The Groupon was knocking off a few bucks for adults, selling the tickets for $18.

Now, obviously, this is kinda shady. So I was not surprised to find out that there have already been a few lawsuits filed.  Arnold Weiss, one of the lawyers in these lawsuit cases, had this to say:

It’s a violation of the statute that requires free admission to the museum five days a week and the lease that requires four designated free admission days,”

Okay, now, I understand that supporting your local museum or any museum is hella important. In fact, if you’ve got some money lying around, I fully support you donate it to a museum. Museums don’t run themselves, they have a lot of people who dedicate a lot of hard work to make them the wonderful places that they are. These recommended admission fees obviously go towards the cost of helping run the place. That being said, free means free. Recommended means its recommended. And this kind of advertising is blatantly deceiving.  If I were a broke college student (oh wait, I am) and I was looking into visiting the Met as a tourist, I would probably not have known what policy the museum had for admissions, and I would have thought this Groupon was a super cool deal. However, if the whole deal about giving a “recommended” amount of money to a museum is to help pay for costs, is discounting a recommendation really validate the reasons behind asking for the recommendation in the first place?

Give us ten bucks to get in, this is a number we estimate will help cover costs of the museum! But if you get this groupon it’ll be five bucks! So, why get the groupon at all then? If you need the ten bucks so bad…I feel like I’m complaining. Sorry if this sounds like that, I had a point somewhere in here…

If you are providing free admission, I’m not so sure you can dictate how much people are supposed to donate, in fact, I think telling people how much they should donate is a bit arrogant. Maybe arrogant isn’t the right word, but I’m too tired to look at a thesaurus. I’m not trying to give an excuse as to why its okay to cop out of giving money to the museum. But I mean… Do you guys get what I’m trying to say?

Anyway, its 2am, I’ll shut up and go to bed now.