This post has no pictures.

March 26, 2015 by imsupersaiyan 7 Comments

It’s been a while since I blogged – so why not just dive right into this. Let the ranting begin.

Making friends outside of college is quite possibly the hardest bullshit I’ve ever had the pleasure of encountering (and I suffered through nursing school).

This isn’t some simple pinata you conquer by swinging a big stick and peaking through a blindfold. Oh, no no no. This is some difficult shit. This is like riding a unicycle balanced on a rope above an active volcano. You’re chances of getting burned are high, my friend. I know why it is hard, but knowing is not enough to get results. As a wise GI Joe once said, “knowing is half the battle.” What Mr. Joe left out was what the fuck you need to do for the other half; I need to come out of this battle victorious. Am I getting too abstract here?

So, here is my deduction of why making friends is hard in your late twenties, after moving away from your closest friends.

1. You are different. Yeah, you. You’re a different person than you were when you graduated high school. Or at least you should be. Fuck. Who has the same personality from age 18 to age 28? What kind of character development did you sleep through? Quit whatever job you have and go do some acting for Michael Bay – he loves your lack of character development and he hasn’t even met you yet. (Oooh, sick burn to Michael Bay) My point is, you are a different person now. So obviously any friends you made prior to this point in your life met you when you barely knew who you were – similarly your friends didn’t know who they were either, so it’s like a bonding point. However, now you know you, meaning you know what you want out of life and relationships. You have different needs out of socializing and different expectations. Basically, you raised your standards. Which brings me to my next numerical bullet point…

2. You have higher standards. Yep, don’t you deny that shit either. I did for a while. See, I’ve met some really fucking amazing people in my day. I can’t believe I get to call them friends, they’re so awesome. But that kind of makes everyone else I haven’t met look really dull by default. Are you, future hypothetical friend, as cool as Amanda or Cathy? Probably not. Are you as funny as Steve or Luuk? Probably not. Do you understand me as well as Naty or Kim? I’m gonna go with no. So, whether I admit it or not, I’m kind of reaching for the stars before I even meet potential friends. If we aren’t going to be besties, what’s the point?

3. Work buddies are a bad idea. I know this doesn’t apply to everyone. But it certainly does for me. I can’t hang out with people at my job. It’s a bunch of females who talk shit and throw each other under the bus for any given task. I know shady shit on just about anyone you decide to point to on a given day. I also know, from personal experience, that hanging out with my co-workers doesn’t really make me any better friends with them. I’ve gone to several social gatherings, and besides small chit chat, nothing really comes out of it. People only wanting to bring up the time we went to that male review show (last time I drink with co-workers as well…). My boss seems to think this is a funny thing to bring up, despite my always professional “mode” at work. These people only want something to talk about.

4. Where do you find them? No, seriously. Where do you find potential friends? Cause I need to know. If any of you are familiar with meetup.com you may be under the impression that people “meet” each other on these sites. It has been my experience (trial and error experience) that these gatherings are either not active, or niche hobby-related groups that I don’t quite fit into. I’m going to have to do a whole separate post on my experiences with these, cause it’s kind of ridiculous.

5. Bonding? Yeah, this is a major problem. Let’s say you actually do make a new friend, and they’re interested in hanging out with you – what now? How are you going to build those bonds bro? You can’t just get white girl wasted and have your amigo assist you to the rest room like you did when you were 23. There’s just something about another woman seeing your junk that makes you both closer, I can’t explain it. You can’t take a college class with them and plant the bonding seed through your shared hatred for the professor. You can’t ask them to be your roommate and naturally create countless inside jokes. So what the fuck do you do? Play some board games in hopes that their witty banter will be enough to satiate your loneliness void? Unlikely. Ain’t no body that fucking witty…that I’ve met yet…that also thinks I’m funny.

Trial and error, my friends. That’s all that we are left with. Creating numerous social sparks with people we barely know, in hopes that one of them thinks your Family Guy impression is comedy gold.

Side note, uh, man…I really had to dust off my blog here. Wow, this is like a time capsule. Also I am not going back to edit the grammar in that cuban mom post, holy shit – I do not want to go through that nightmare. So, sorry internet about that. Also still in the process of downloading/paying for art programs to upload onto my new desktop (whuaaaahhht, super adult status). Hence, why there are no pictures in this post. #dealwithit #lazy

Advertisement