I'm just Super Saiyan

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FLYING DEVIL CREATURES

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Okay, so, as a person who has a biology degree I feel that I should be able to appreciate all of the little creatures and critters that roam this earth. Their anatomy is beyond interesting, studying their traits and characteristics makes for great insight into what makes this little world of ours so majestic. We have something to learn from even the smallest insects.

That being said, I think butterflies are the spawn of Satan.

I realize, after reading that last sentence again, that it sounds pretty harsh. So let me try and come up with another way to convey my feelings…uh…uhhh…um…  Yeah, no, I stand by that statement. I really, really don’t like them.

Look, don’t get me wrong, I love looking at butterfly pictures. I love microscopic images that show the details of their bad ass wings and pigments. I think their migration patterns are cool. Their life-cycle is fascinating. I even enjoy observing their little preserved bodies in museums.

But if those flying devil creatures come near me…I can’t help it. Some kind of deep, instinctive, survival adrenaline rushes over me when a butterfly crosses into my personal space. I just freak the fuck out. I scream bloody murder, my hands thrash around defensively, I run around in a random zig-zag pattern.

I don’t even fully understand why I’m so afraid of them. I mean, I am a giant human person, I have the means to destroy every inch of those savage butterfly beasts if I wanted to…

My fear of butterflies just can’t be explained. Like, I know why I hate roaches – they’re grimy, they infest your home, they can outlive you (I don’t trust immortal things). I know why I hate mosquitoes – I have an allergy to their bites so my skin puffs up like a fucking balloon if they decide to feast on my blood, also that buzz noise they make is annoying. Moths eat my clothes, so I hate them too.

But, butterflies? I got no idea. I love everything about them except when they’re on me.  Kind of like kids with runny, dripping nose fluids…they’re cute but don’t put them near me.

One time, I went to this place called Butterfly World. I agreed to go to this place because the way it was explained to me was that it was like a caged zoo for butterflies. You would enter a room and there’d be a net shielding you from the demonic flutter monsters, so you could look at their pretty colors and shit but you were totally safe.

I was wrong.

Apparently, these net shields were optional – like my sanity. This place was like a free-range chicken farm. Those motherfuckers were all over the place and I was scared for my life. I had my hands up in front of my face, waving sporadically around my head to make sure they wouldn’t land on me.

I just kept chanting Ace Ventura’s bat cave mantra – “I am not afraid. I am NOT afraid. I really like it here. I will fear no living creature...”

Then we entered a room towards the end, where apparently prehistoric giant butterflies lived. Descendants of Mothra took shelter in this butterfly zoo, and they were thirsty for my flesh. Mothra was a defender of earth…but her children only wanted to terrorize me. In my head I instantly came up with a million escape routes, my mother and brother looked worried about my bizarre demeanor. They didn’t understand, they couldn’t save me. No one could.

I shoved my way to the front of the room where the door was, but I was too late.  Mutant Butterfree did a kamikaze nose dive straight into my face. SHIT!!!!!!!!!!

I screamed and treated it like fire. STOP. DROP. ROLL. My arms flailed around, I wanted to call for help but all I could vocalize from my mouth was something that sounded like a cross between a whale giving birth and the Silent Hill siren.

Suddenly I could hear my moms voice, she brought me back to reality.

Mutant butterfree had spared me. Besides the emotional harm that came from embarrassing my family, no one was physically harmed in the altercation. I consider myself lucky to have survived. I went into Butterfly World and made it out alive. I hope I don’t have nightmares tonight.

Also, can we like, take a second to realize that Butterfree – the pokemon – is 3’07” feet or 1.1 meters tall? I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE AFRAID OF THIS.

What about you guys? What fear do you have that no one else seems to be able to relate to? What fears do you have that not even you understand why you have them?

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Author: imsupersaiyan

Blogging is hard. I'm just sayian.

55 thoughts on “FLYING DEVIL CREATURES

  1. OMG, M fears the Butterflies…
    Though now I want to know how you feel about other insects, like roaches, palmetto bugs, beetles etc..
    Or is it just the pretty insects you dread?

    • I mentioned I hated roaches in the post, I guess I should have included palmetto bugs as well – but really I’m only afraid of them because they’re roach-y. I’m not afraid of beetles :3 They’re cute.
      I don’t dread butterflies per say Kauf, I like to look and study and read about them. I’ll point them out and be like OMG SO CUTE! It’s just the idea of them being on me AND THEN WHEN THEY ARE FUCKING ON ME OH GOD WHAT DO I DO BURN IT BURN IT.

  2. AWWW So sorry you have a fear of butterflies, I do like them, but I have a irrational fear of SPIDERS!!! Yea that is me in the pictures when it comes to those SPIDERS and I am usually a non violent person but when it comes to SPIDERS, I turn into AL CAPONE and I am like ” I want him dead, I want his family dead and I want his house burned to the ground!!!! ” YES KEEP THOSE SPIDERS AWAYYYYYY!!! Ha- Ha !!! and don’t worry even though I hate them so much I could never even kill them I just run away, I feel everything has a right to be here! but I still run like the WIND!!!!

    • Spiders and are I complicated – but I know where you’re coming from Annie, lol. I don’t mind small ones, but the second they’re greater than an inch in diameter…CAPONE IT TO DEATH – A HELLISH DEATH TO DAMN IT FROM THIS EARTH. :3
      RUN IN ZIG ZAGS ANNIE, ITS SUPER EFFECTIVE!

  3. This may be why we’re married, but I don’t like butterflies either………………O_O
    But what I REALLY do not enjoy are the precondition to butterflies = CATERPILLARS.
    I think they’re disgusting, like uterly vile & disgusting. T makes fun of me cuz during their season they CRAWL all over the porch, they’re EVERYWHERE, and I scream 200 insults per second every time I have to go in the house. I’m like disgusted by them x million.
    kjsfbvjkfbvjk ugh, just thinking about it grosses me out. Anyway……

    • AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW but Naty, they’re so cute :3 caterpillars are just really lazy fatties. I have saved a few caterpillars before cause they’re not the brightest of bugs…kind of like worms…I have to get them off the sidewalks.
      Although when I was little my mom told me a story about how something crawled into her ear and now I have an irrational fear of anything crawl-y doing the same to me… So, I guess I’ll save them from feet, but they better not fucking touch me…
      HOW IS THERE A CIVILIZATION OF CATERPILLARS IN YOUR PORCH???
      This is like the craziest thing ever for me to imagine… 8O

      • Do you guys have Processionary Caterpillars? We have them here during some part of the year. They have really long hairs that will cause terrible itchyness when you touch em. They are pretty funny looking though. Also they aren’t the brightest of all the caterpillars out there. Basically they jsut follow the caterpillar in front of them (hence the name), and sometimes the caterpillar in the front finds the one in the back of the line. Long story short they will just go in circles forever. So you see these circles forming on the roads and stuff.

        • We do have caterpillars that are hairy here, I don’t pick up bugs with my hands though… I use a paper towel doubled up, lol. I don’t know if they’re Processionary caterpillars though, I’ve never seen the little dudes go into infinite circle mode – although to be honest, I’ve never seen more than one caterpillar at a time…

    • You seemed to like them at Fairchild!

  4. hey nyc one….. hit me up hope to learn a lot from u… thanks

  5. This post was hilarious. I really liked the drawings. Lost it at ‘I am a giant human person’ :’D

    Also I think I am mostly only scared of spiders. But only the big hairy ones. Luckily spiders don’t get that big over here. The ones I would be scared of in fact are quite a rarity here to begin with and those are still managable. I don’t get how people can live in places like Australia. I would have to burn my house down pretty much every week.

    • SVEMMY I AM A GIANT HUMAN. That was not the joke, it was a serious statement.
      Yeah I’m not too big on hairy spiders either…or hairy moths… although Mothra – defender of Earth – was quite hairy.
      I have a girl friend who lives over in Australia, if I ever go to visit, I will basically be stuck to her to ensure my survival. She must know so many spider-defense tactics growing up there as a child…I can only imagine.
      Good thing the blue house isn’t in Australia…you’re not allowed to burn that.

  6. I hate moths… I just can’t stand them. I had one go down my shirt and I was running around screaming, fanning my top to try and get rid of it. It didn’t help that when I was little they used to all flutter against our toilet window so I’d sit on the toilet completely terrified.
    I also hate grasshoppers because they also like to jump in my shirt and they’re creepy and gross and just – I don’t like them.
    One got caught in my bra and I thought I got it out so I kept walking then a couple of minutes later it was squirming and I just lost my shit.
    It was so horrible.
    On a completely different note, I live in Australia.

  7. idk why but I just feel so bad about killing the creepy crawlies. I’d be at home when I was young and yelling for my mom to help me because there was a roach in my room. She’d grab a broom (since the bug would be somewhere up where I couldn’t reach) and tell me to take care of it, “what would you do if I wasn’t home? You gonna call Mrs. Ann to come and get rid of the bug for you?” (Mrs. Ann was our awesome old neighbor) “Nooo….” “Ok, then.” ::leaves the room::

    At first I didn’t like squishing them because then I’d have to clean up their guts and stuff (gross) and then I just started to feel bad for the little guys so I’d try to capture it and release it back into the wild. I’m not SCARED of them, but I don’t like trying to trap a roach with paper. It usually goes something like “eeeeee eeeeeee! ew! ew! eeeeeee! nooo! stop moving! don’t get out! eee wait!”

    I’ve met so many people who are afraid of frogs. I don’t understand, they’re just so cute!

    I can’t sleep with the door open if it’s dark beyond my room. Even when they have those hall lights, it’s still difficult. WHY DO PEOPLE SLEEP WITH THEIR BEDROOMS OPEN?! IT’S UNNATURAL! All my childhood fears return and I can’t bring myself to face away from the door. ::shivers:: guughhh

    • LOLLLLLLL Your mom is awesome.
      Also, I double paper towel mines for the little beattles, you know I don’t do roaches kim….like, NOPE IM NOT EVEN GOING TO BE IN THE SAME ROOM, SEE YOU GUYS LATER, BURN THIS PLACE AND EVERYTHING IN IT.
      I haven’t met anyone afraid of froggies, that’s so sad :3 They don’t even do anything. Like they don’t jump at you.
      Bro, I have to sleep faaaaaaaacing the door. Otherwise I feel like something is there if my back is turned. o____o childhood fears are the same…different methods of taming them.

  8. Also, butterflies have FIVE types of color receptive cones! They can see so many colors that we caaaaan’t! They’re probably looking at us and secretly judging our clothing choices, “wow, they wore that shirt with THAT jacket? Those colors totally clash! ugh, humans have the worst color schemes.”

  9. I’m seriously impressed at your cartooning. Really impressed. I always wanted to be a cartoonist. I took a few courses and I can draw some, but I never mastered the art. You are well on your way AND I’m giving you The Imagine Award (it’s relatively new on the net) because damn if you don’t deserve it. I’m writing it now and you can drop by SERENDIPITY at http://teepee12.com/ and collect it tomorrow morning (after midnight EDST since I have no idea where in the world you are). Congratulations and thanks for every laugh and smile you give me.

  10. This post had me cracking up, especially when you whipped out the Butterfree card. :D Not going to lie, I had a 5 cousin who was terrified of butterflied and we all made so much fun of her (behind her back though because we are decent people).

    Haha, everyone has their own weird fears though, right? I have this thing where I get FREAKED out if people see my clothes. Like if I’m wearing them that’s fine but if they are on the floor or in a drawer or hanging out on a line I can’t take it. Even guys I dated, before they could come in I had to pick up all my clothes off the floor and throw them under the bed or in closets. When I’ve moved and had people help I’d pack all clothes in like double trash bags and carry them myself over first thing. =P WEIRD.

    • LMAO Mollie, I wish I had your phobia, my room would be waaay cleaner. I do have to say I haven’t heard of that fear before, and my heart goes out to your cousin…I KNOW THAT PAIN, I KNOW THAT FEEL.
      LOL I kind of assume people make fun of me for this as well…or like freaking out in general over things that clearly are insignificant.

  11. Obligatory Ace Ventura clip https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONUe58qtjjs
    I think it captures the essence of your fear very well. Always make sure to check the hair lol

  12. I have nominated you for Sunshine Award. Congratulations.
    http://flowersandbreezes.wordpress.com/

  13. Great tip Zig Zags it is my dear friend, I am sorry that your fear flys!! Capone it Away, Use all the super powers you have, and call in the Wizard if you have too!!! Damn these hellish Hairy creepy crawlers, and Flesh crawling flying MONSTERS!!! Be Gone I say!!! Great Post by the Way as always!!!! Lovie you soo much!!!! xoxoxo

  14. This is hilarious and so cute at the same time! I love all your posts <3

  15. I’m terrified of butterflies too. It’s the wings, I tell you. The wings. FLAPFLAPFLAPFLAP.. UGH!

  16. Fairchild Botanical Garden has a butterfly garden, similar to the one you described. Every time I go at least one butterfly lands on me, last time it was three and one of them just stayed planted on my finger for a good 3-5 minutes.

    I guess you can say I am not afraid (shows arm muscle)

  17. Pingback: My Cuban Mother | I'm just Super Saiyan

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