GUILD WARS

October 17, 2013 by imsupersaiyan 27 Comments

There comes a time in every little girls’ life when she looks back at all that she has done and wishes she had played more video games. It’s a tale as old as time.

Gather round boys and girls, its story time yet again. Today’s topic, I’d like to share with you the deep, passionate, fiery romance that I had with possibly the most entertaining game I had ever played in my life; Guild Wars.

I’d like to say, before I begin, that Guild Wars was my first MMORPG (massively multiplayer online role playing game). Before I was introduced to this game I strictly played console games only…if you don’t count the minor computer games that I entertained myself with as a tiny, tiny child. Oh, I also had a run in with the SIMs and Rollercoster Tycoon…so, I guess I had dipped my toes into computer gaming, but not yet dunked my head in.  Guild Wars changed everything.

This is the story of my digital lover.

So the first time I remember hearing the words “Guild Wars” was from the mouth of one of my ex-boyfriends. He had just picked up the title and been immersed in it. A younger, yet still dashing, girl took notice of how he was totally ignoring her (so, apparently this just turned into a third person narration, roll with me). The debonair girl decided to investigate the situation.

Boyfriend at the time was very zoned out, he would only respond to her in short answers and without eye contact. An avid gamer herself, she knew whatever he was playing had to be pretty good. He briefly explained the premise of the game “Guild Wars” and allowed her to view some game play as he shot arrows around Tyria as a Ranger.

She was impressed. Very impressed. The game looked pretty good. Never having played an MMORPG herself she had her boyfriend explain further. However, senior year was wrapping up so she had better things to do than start a weirdo computer game…she had to apply to college.

So once her first year of college began, she became swamped with papers, assignments, and projects. She grew to love living in the smelly old library, but after a few weeks she developed a strained relationship with studying…a relationship whose bonds were quickly weakening.

So one day, when the urge to procrastinate hit her like a sack of bricks to the face, she suddenly had the inkling to try something…

GUILD WARS. No better time, than the procrastinating present, she thought to herself. So long as I don’t have to do mother fucking calculus, I’m sure I’ll enjoy it.

And so, she opened Guild Wars and decided to log on…

What she quickly discovered was that not only was Guild Wars good…it was exciting and addictive as fuuuuuuuuu

So fast forward to a few hours later…then days…then, I don’t know, take a break woman! It was too late, she had become obsessed with Guild Wars for several weeks.

She knew what she had to do. She got her hands on a copy of Prophecies and the newly released Factions and never looked back.

Guild Wars was pretty damn amazing. It was something new, offered RPG gameplay she had never encountered before and a sweet ass sound track. She loved the shit out of that sound track…

Before you knew it, Guild Wars and the girl were inseparable.

It wasn’t long before that the girl’s friends noticed she was being really hermit-ish, always cooped up in her nerd cave for days on end.  Her friends were worried about her obsession. But you see, they didn’t understand. To them, all they saw was this:

But the girl, she saw more. She saw an entertaining, challenging, friendly, good looking…

EPKE ZONDERLAND. YOU GORGEOUS MAN YOU.

HOLY SHIT.

What was I talking about? Great sons of Neptune… I’d play that game every day too. Damn. This is probably the best personification of all time.

Anyway…so, you can imagine these two were attached at the hip – or mouse, however you want to see it.

She was having the time of her life. But she just couldn’t see that her fond relationship with Guild Wars was, was in reality, more like this:

Even Guild Wars was getting worried…

STACKS ON STACKS ON STACKS – those are Ectos by the way…and I was never actually ever that rich…but this is my retelling, so I can have as many fucking ectos as I want.

She ignored the warnings.

But she was in for a rude awakening. All her time being spent with her beloved game was absorbing  time she would normally spend doing other things… like studying. One day, she got back a test grade…

Welp. That’s what you get, bro.

She knew what she had to do…she had to take a break from Guild Wars.

And go crawling back to her former relationship with studying.

This procrastination/obsession cycle would go on for years, six years to be exact. Every few months she and Guild Wars would reunite.

And there you have it, the story of me and my lover Guild Wars.

Below I’m posting some evidence of the time that I wasted while playing Guild Wars. I say time wasted, but I would have played twice as much in hind sight. The people I would meet and the fun I would have exploring it have yet to be matched by any other gaming title.

I logged in today just to screen cap this…

Tell me folks, does this remind you of one of your own addictions? Perhaps a different game, maybe its a different hobby?

Please tell me I’m not the only one who went through this…

Man, Guild Wars gives me a nostalgia head explosion.

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